Rethink

Last week I went to HK again, and I got super, super drunk. I was actually in a coma, pretty much. 

Then I spent all day in bed, on and off my bed to puke. It was bad. It was so bad that I decided not to drink for a while. I realise excess drinking and partying is not going to make my life any better. It may be a quick getaway, but the problem is still there when I got up the next day. 

And also, after the night that I was in a pretty big fight with my family, I decided that my life is shit enough and I should do something to make myself feel good about myself instead of making it worse. 

On the other hand, it's my birthday in less than 4 weeks. Then I'm turning 20.

Holding a big is not something I want. Perhaps a bungy jump? Perhaps going to the amusement park? Some indoor skiing? I need to do something physically exciting!

Fake Suicide

No. I am not doing the fake suicide.

Been home for nearly 2 months now, means that I still need to sleep in the living room for another 1.5 months. My home - a 800 sq. ft. 2 bedroom flat is way too tiny for 4 people. If I knew this is the case, that my sister took over 'my' room completely, I will never ever come back.

It's hard not to get insane when you have no privacy and space, along with a mentally-ill mother and sister who collects toy bears at her 20's.

Sorry. I never mention all these. But you get the point, it's nothing really worth mentioning.

I still like my Dad though, luckily.

One more month. I can do this.

Everything

It's a stage of our era kids.

We seem to have everything now, plenty of time to do whatever, sufficient money to experience/to travel/to do all sorts. But after the three years in college, what's waiting for us is nothing. Nothing.

No time. No money. No friends (assume they're all over the world, working and moving on).

It's scary.

I wish I can do something to avoid this. But it seems unavoidable to me.

Is it too early to be worried?

I love him more than anything. But at some point, I just don't think I can stay strong to handle all these.

However, I know I will stay.

It's even more heart-breaking to break things off than to carry on with the hype and the lows.

It's true that when you have more money, they help to fill out some emotional deprivations. And all you do is to buy things.