2016年7月29日 星期五

It's OVER


I broke up with Doctor, sort of.

I believe a person can change his habits/behavior, but there are some personality traits that can't be changed, and they are the things which make you who you really are. For Doctor, his self-centered trait is the main thing killing this relationship. It's all about him at the end of the day.

As if he is only treating me nicely because he wants me to give him something back. Even though he claimed he doesn't expect anything, he is just not the kind of person who has the true kindness that I admired from Mister.

Sometimes I wonder how come I can't see the good in him, perhaps he can't either. I wish there is something else I can hold onto when we are having a bad moment, apart from he can be really nice to me, even just a small one. He is wrong about me giving up easily, I don't. During my relationship with Mister, I had harder and more reasons to give up, but I didn't, because I can always think of many, many reasons that he has to be part of my life. Because of Mister, I became someone I can never imagined myself to be. He is one of the few people who can see the good in me.

All these are pretty overwhelming right now. Thoughts and memories from the past that criss-crossing with each other.

Another thing is Doctor is so full of shits. He can never admit that he doesn't know everything, and he could be wrong. Argh, but I don't care now...


All I need is sleep. If anyone tells you that sleep can't make you feel better, you are not having enough sleep.

2016年7月24日 星期日

情人剖白

在尋找真愛的途中,不免有一方會想進行自已內心某部分的剖白。

要處理得好並不容易,剖白的原因,不過是想被理解,被包容或者,被原諒。

Doctor昨晚很難得地跟我說了他的一段過去,一直未被原諒的過去。我並不肯定他的motives是什麼,是想被原諒,還是想激起我的同情心,重點是我的心的確被觸動。人可以自私,但做了傷害別人的事,那後果是會跟你一輩子的。我不想變成他那樣。

最後他抱著我,我想了想,有感而發說,至少你還會感到抱歉,那已經夠了;若然你該抱歉的時候並感受不到抱歉,那才是真正的悲哀。但是,這都不重要了,都已經過去了。所以,我還是覺得,對於別人的過去,我不需要去妒忌,畢竟一切一切都是"前人種樹,後人掩蔭",我尊重每個人的過去。