我不明白的是為什麼他說一句無意，我就可以被隨便傷害。我也曾經想過去努力經營這一段關係，而最後換來的只是不被理解。也許我們都自私，我也不想誰讓誰。
It's broken not bent. I have to realise there is no point. There was never a point.
My issue is just to be there to compensate your issues. You have to realise that you honestly don't have that much to offer if you can't put up with the present me. (One of my ex-boyfriend already finished his phD when he was 25, so there's nothing much for you to be so proud of being a phD candidate, and he cured cancer not some stupid supplychains. And the most important thing is this person is humble as fuck unlike you). Flipping out on social media was probably one of the craziest thing I have done in any relationship. I know it's not right and I hate myself for doing so. I hate it even more that I choose to be with someone who doesn't make me a better person but pushing me into a worse.
I can't deny that this relationship is a failure. I was constantly doing/feeling something negative that I would have never done and clearly there is something wrong with it. It's toxic, and somehow I lived with it and believed in hell knows what the fuck I was thinking.
I have taken more risks than ever for this relationship. I was never expecting you to take any risks for me, but it still came as a disappointment knowing that you think I am a twisted person with aggression who is too much of a risk to take. I hate to admit, but I regret everything that I have done.
SD, when I first know you, you are an alcoholic. You would call me at midnight saying you can't find your way back home. You would get pissed drunk and hold another girl's hand in the first party that we went together, and puke all over me.
You convinced me that everyone has issues and shouldn't be stopped from building a meaningful relationship. Slowly I didn't abandon a relationship as soon as I found it problematic, I tried to fix it.
I know you are scared that your partner has future plans that don't involve you. But let me tell you what, your arrogance of constantly looking down on people makes them want to prove that they don't need you. You are the biggest cause why your no.x girlfriend decided to go abroad. I can imagine her self-esteem was constantly trashed by you, and she has been waiting long for that day to see disappointment in your eyes.
And please stop using depression as your shield. Just because you are suicidal doesn't grant you the rights to hurt someone 'in-deliberately' and not having any consequences. My words are evil, but within words. Your act is truly evil.
Go on the loop and return to your messy state. I'm glad that I am out and I won't let you dragging me into such misery.
